Preview For Thursday's iMPACT

Hello to my XR family, Welcome to my review. I didn't watch Bound for Glory. I'm not digging Sting as champ. Meh. So TNA was literally down the road from me 2 weekends ago. I didn't go. I cried in the corner for days. No, not really, but I was pretty sad about not going. But they had a nice write up in the paper, apparently it was successful so hopefully they come back. Then I can re invite all the wrestlers to my house for bagel bites and we can all play x box and pet my kitties.

Anyways I finished up another book, I must say to everyone, read. It's great, It doesn't rot your brain like TV does, it makes you think, thus making you smarter. Anyways TV lately has been pretty crappy. Take advantage of your local libraries, you never know what you'll find in there. Thank you.

I've also been inspired by the presidential headshots you always see to do up a new picture, I tried unsuccessfully to replicate a cool headshot but for the heck of it I threw up some new pics, tell me what you think. Let's do some Dani facts:

- Dani grew up in a really, really small town. 33 people in my graduating class, and we were a big class too. The year behind me had 15 kids, that was about average. Small town peeps FTW!

- Dani has been on a kick lately on reading books with fictional bands and rock stars, my absolute favorite so far has been "How to Kill a Rockstar" By Tiffanie Debarto. Then again I'm a such a sucker when the Rockstar in question has a cocky bastard smile and his weapon (guitar) of choice is a ES 335. *swoon* but anyway great book.

- Dani thinks the Gibson ES 335 is such a beautiful guitar, someday I'll own one, oh yes, someday.

- Dani hates mustard with a passion. Mayo is pretty gross as well.

Dani facts are fun right? Anyways. Let's review Impact. As always if you don't enjoy my review, feel free to go smurf yourself!

CROSS THE LINE! How does one cross the line?

At Bound for Glory, STUFF WENT DOWN!

"Foley's Farewell" is your fun, crazy, yet wacky title for this week.

Don West is in a festive red tonight. Sharp dresser that Don West is. MATCH!

The Motor City Machineguns vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir and Sonjay Dutt: Yay Machine Guns! I have a MCMG shirt. I also talked to Alex Shelley once, just in case you didn't know, now you know. At this point I'd like to apologize for a few weeks ago, I got a bit carried away with my Sabin fan ness. I swear it's been a subtle seduction on Sabin's part for the past 4 years. Damn you Chris Sabin, damn you! But yet bless you Sabin, bless you as well. Funny, actually Shelley seems more my type, but damn there is something about that Sabin, I think it's the tornado DDT's. I like Val's dress tonight, it's nice. I also like Sonjay's new ink & trunks. That Val has a good effect on him. Go Val! I like Sheik's theme music too. I like how when Sabin flew he kinda fell to is knees and posed, it was lovely. OMG HELL HAS FROZEN OVER THEY WON, THEY REALLY WON! Winners: The Motor City Machineguns, I swear it's true I'm not making this up, I'm so happy, tears are forming in my eyes, this is truly the greatest night in the history of our sport. The match was way too short though.

Aw damn here comes Kurt Angle to ruin everything. He beats everyone up. I hate you TNA, so very much right now. Damn you, damn you to HELL! I'm such a sad panda right now. Fro the remainder of my blog I will not try to be funny. In fact, I'm just giving a blow by blow review, Is it childish, sure, but damnit stop TNA you've toyed with my emotions for to long over my Machine Guns, sorry our Machine Guns, I know I'm not he only one who enjoys them damnit! Kurt takes a mic and say he's going to beat up everyone till he gets to Jarrett. Screw you Kurt Angle.

JB is in the back. Kevin Nash is arriving late to work. What is this WCW? Kevin is still pissy at Joe for being mean to Scott Hall. Screw you Kevin Nash.

We get a Video Package on Sting vs. Samoa Joe. Screw you Sting.

Sting makes his way to the Impact Zone. I don't care, no not because I'm still upset about the Machine Guns, I just haven't cared about Sting since 1998, sorry. Sting knows Joe fairly beat him and stuff. Sting says the bottom line is that because of Joe's disrespect he isn't the champ. Sting says this in a childish way, kinda like Nanananana I'm champ and your not. Sting your 80 not 8. Sting cries that AJ didn't shake his hand. This bring out AJ. Aj says Sting is the non respectful one. Aj says he works hard, Sting doesn't. Sting says AJ will turn out like his dad. Aj bitch slaps him. I hope this is building up to AJ wining the title from Sting and Sting trots away into the sunset.

TO THE BACK! Kurt Angle is beating up on Curry Man, poor Curry Man. He also beats up Shark boy and Eric Young. Why couldn't he beat up Super Eric instead?

Jb is in the back in Booker's fly locker room. Booker talks about elephants and such, I'm confused? Next week we're going to find out what's in the mystery briefcase LIVE!

Hernandez w/Homicide vs. Booker T w/ wife Sharmell: I don't know who I'd rather not run into in a dark alley, Hernandez or Booker. Why couldn't I run into someone like Sabin or Shelley in a dark alley. That could result in some crazy fun. Heck I wouldn't mind running into Ms. Brooks in a dark alley...I think I could take her, in a crazy fun way. Border toss, wait Sharmell distracts, low blow, briefcase shot. Book end. Winner: Booker T

IN THE BACK! Kurt is beating down the poor Rock and Rave Infection. Hemme is freaking out. Wait Don West just slipped up and called Lance Rock, Lance Hoyt. Almost as good as a creamed. This is just ridiculous, do you know how high the beat down count is going to be tonight?

Lauren is with Roxxi. So Lauren is still around. I want her job! Roxxi don't give a poop about Kong or Spike TV. She's still standing. She's got a potty mouth. At least she apologizes to Spike TV.

Lauren is with Hemme, and Rave and Rock have been taken to the hospital. She tries to leave, then Kip and the Beautiful Peeps interrupt. The beautiful peeps are upset that Hemme is taking their TV time. They beat Christy down, Kip cheers them on. They brown bag her too.

Not so stable Kurt comes down to the ring he stares down announcer dude Penzer. He attacks Penzer and then puts him in the ring. Kurt beats Penzer with his own shoe and then ankle locks him. It's kinda funny. West and Tenay are freaking out. This brings out Jeff Jarrett. He tells Kurt that's enough. Kurt wants his rematch! Jeff says let it go. Kurt says he knows where Jeff lives and he says Kurt will have to pay a visit to Jeff's kids. A melee breaks out. Security is involved

Foley is WALKING!

We get a video package, on Bound for Glory.

Foley makes his way to the ring to say goodbye to TNA. Sure Mick, you won't show up in TNA ever again. I believe you. Foley says he's been a rollercoaster junkie for the past 20 years. Foley has had so much fun in the last few weeks in TNA. He says goodbye to everyone. Yup, he won't be back ever again. Aww Creed hugged Foley, so did AJ. Jeff Jarrett asks for 10 minutes of Foley time. Foley says okay. *insert dramatic tense music here*

Cornette calls from Vegas. He knows what KRAZY KURT has done. Cornette is here to stop these shenanigans, lol shenanigans. Angle will face Matt Morgan later tonight.

Raisha Saeed w/Awesome Kong vs. Roxxi: Roxxi is hardcore in plaid and animal print tonight. Roxxi throws some shots in on Kong. Voodoo drop. Winner: Roxxi
Post match Kong IMPLANT BUSTERS Roxxi.

Lauren is with Matt Morgan. Matt Morgan has a new shirt. He's worried about his boy Abyss. He blames himself for what happened to Abyss, Abyss is his best friend damnit! Lauren is heartless and asks about Kurt Angle.


Lauren is with Hemme, who is MAD. She wants to whoop some ho ass is she didn't have to go to the hospital to see he boys. She says it's on next week!

Here is the line up for next week's LIVE Impact:
- Christy Hemme vs. One of the Beautiful People
- TNA X-Division Title Match: Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Jay Lethal
- TNA Knockouts Title Match: Taylor Wilde vs. Awesome Kong
-Team Hard Rock Hardcore Text-off Gauntlet Match: 3D vs. Beer Money vs. LAX vs. Matt Morgan and Abyss
- Kevin Nash and Sting vs. Samoa Joe and AJ Styles

Jb is in the back with Creed he fixes his hair. I like his hair, I still want to touch it. He also pimps the TNA game. He has to wrestle Nash tonight. I'm sorry Creed. But he seems excited, good for him.

Kevin Nash vs. Consequences Creed: I still think the whole Big Sexy tour sold out thing is dumb. If Kevin Nash was on tour, I wouldn't go see him. I'd go see Creed on tour, no not the god awful band with Scott Stapp on vocals, Consequences Creed, maybe he'll let me touch his hair, so consequences, if your reading this, please let me touch your hair, I'll be gentle! Damnit Nash just squashed Creed, screw you Nash! Winner: Kevin Nash. Post match Nash says the young guys are either arrogant or stupid. Kevin Nash has new ink. Nash looks like he's conditioning his hair again, Nash is still crying about Joe being mean to Scott Hall. He also calls the impact zone audience stupid because they're cheering him. He talks about being big, that's why everyone hates him. And he's the smartest man alive too! I have never once ever, ever wondered what it would be like to spend the night with Kevin Nash. I don't care what he says. Sure I've wondered what it would be like to spend the night with a few of the X division guys. I bet there would be a lot a video games and pizza involved.

In the back Foley leaves JJ's office, they will meet in the car later. They are both super serious too.

We get a "Cross the Line" VIDEO PACKAGE! Complete with generic nu metal song. Damnit why can't we have a neo psychedelic song, I'm digging a lot of neo psychedelic stuff lately.

Lauren is with Team 3D. She says they were mean to Chris Parks at BFG. Team 3D says of course they were mean to him, they're violet and stuff. Sex, blood and rock and roll, hey that sounds like a regular Saturday night for me. Just kidding, no blood is involved. *wink*

Matt Morgan vs. Kurt Angle: Matt Morgan has white trunks. Maybe he's had them for a while but I'm just noticing now. Commercial. You know it seems awful easy to break out of the ankle lock. Hellavator, but wait, Kurt kicks out. Don West says holy cow. What makes the cow holy? I guess I'd have to ask Sonjay Dutt. Maybe next time Val's on I'll ask her to ask her boy Sonjay. Olympic Slam. Winner: Kurt Angle. Post match Kurt puts the ankle lock on Morgan. Is putting on the ankle lock kinda like putting on the Ritz? But WAIT here comes Matt Morgan's boy Abyss. Abyss is in a shiny black shirt, must be from the Don West collection. Kurt beats up on Abyss. Kurt being a bas tard ruins Abyss' nice new shirt by ripping it off. We immediately cut TO THE PARKING LOT! JB catches up with Foley and JJ. Foley says they are going to Vegas, and he has a declaration that will shake the foundation of the wrestling world! Ooohh. Impact comes to a close.

Final Tallies:

Don West Creamed Count (The number of times Don West said the word creamed) : 0, this kinda makes me a sad panda.
# Of Video Packages: 4
# Of Times Someone Was Shown WALKING : 2
# Of "To The Back" Segments: 5, there was a lot I may have lost count
# Of Beatdowns That Took Place: 6, there was a lot I may have lost count

Quick & Dirty Results:

- The Motor City Machineguns def. Sheik Abdul Bashir and Sonjay Dutt
- Booker T def. Hernandez
- Roxxi def. Raisha Saeed
- Kevin Nash def. Consequences Creed
- Kurt Angle def. Matt Morgan

So there was this weeks installment of Impact. I hope you enjoyed my take on Impact. Feel free to comment on my article. We'll see you next week, till then, keep rocking!