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Hello to my XR family, Welcome to my review. I swear during Dani's everyday life, she often gets reminded of the good old XR. Such as last week, I swear I heard Whitesnake about 5 times on the radio. And I of course think of the Kluck and my old friend Mrjl, who needs to come back. Before the switch to the new board he game my his e-mail address and I swear I was going to drop him a line, but it was lost in the switch. The Kluck shall rise again! For the record I still despise Whitesnake. No stripper should be forced to strip to that song. Also on Monday something wonderful happened. Dani creamed herself. I now know how one could get so excited that they creamed themselves. God this is so dirty sounding. I'm sorry If I've offended anyone. But for the rest of you I became very excited this past Monday when It was announce that the best band your not listening too, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, will be releasing new material on Saturday. Yeah things like this excite me, I'm a total music dork. The concept behind it sounds fascinating. If only they'd tour in my area, I'd consider killing a man to make it happen, just kidding. Of course leave it to me to describe my excitement as creaming myself, damn you Don West! Anyways... Here's Dani facts: - Dani has a weakness for guitar players. If I ever plan world domination, this will be my downfall. - Dani enjoys her job, she can listen to her Ipod all day. - Dani was third in her High School graduating class. Usually she leaves out the fact that there were only 33 people in her class. -Dani now has quite the collection of hamsters, I now have 3 of them. Butter, Rex and Holstein. - Why as the number 3 coming up 3 times been happening an awful lot to me lately this week?
- Current book Dani's Reading: " Artificial Light" By James Greer, cool book. Dani facts are fun, right? Anyways let's all cross the line and review impact, sadly when I just typed cross the line I got that awful nu-metal "cross the line" song that has been appearing in all the cross the line VIDEO PACKAGES stuck in my head. Anyways, as always if you do not enjoy my blog, feel free to go smurf yourself! Previously on Impact STUFF HAPPENED IT WAS HARDCORE! Not really, the Main Event Mafia formed and the legends title was introduced. Oh yeah We now have commissioner Foley. "The Making of the Mafia" is your wacky fun title of the week. Ahh the generic crappy nu-metal is the new theme song, crap. The Impact Zone got a makeover too. The TNA tron is pretty big. It looks pretty sweet. AJ Styles and Samoa Joe make their way to the ring. They suck up Mick Foley, but not really. AJ rants on The MEM, I will for the remainder of the stables' existence I will abbreviate Main Event Mafia to MEM, because it's a Dani fact, I'm lazy. I mean Main Event mafia is a lot to type out. ODB, Lethal, Creed, Eric Young and Petey Williams all came out for moral support. Creed still has cool hair that I want to touch. Sabin and Shelley, my personal heroes, come out to the ring. They wondered why they should join. Shelley calls everyone sheep. Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell, well according to the band called Cake they do. Anyways Joe slaps Shelley. Because Joe is hardcore. I wouldn't want to run into Joe in a dark alley. The MEM then come out and rant, because that's what they do best. The MEM music sounds like a rip off of the old Mamalukes theme. I miss da bull and Vito. According to the beau The MEM reminds him too much of Evolution. Uh-oh insiders terms, N.W.O flashbacks. TO THE BACK JB is with Double J. JJ says he'll let them fight their own fights. Mick is dressed to the nines in a sport coat. Mick says he'll go talk to Sting. Generic blonde interviewer chick, who should be a generic brunette interviewer chick (myself) is with the beautiful Peeps and Cute Kip. They make fun of Christy Hemme and ODB. -Christy Hemme & ODB vs. The Beautiful People: I dig the beautiful peeps fishnet stockings. It seems everyone has new TNA tron videos. Lol Velvet just curb stomped Hemme, it was funny. What purpose does cute Kip serve? Winners: ODB and Christy Hemme TO THE BACK Lauren is WALKING with The Machine Guns, I think I just creamed myself WALKING and TO THE BACK all at once. Best impact EVER! Joe comes into the conversation. Sabin says their in. Joe says he has trust issues. Aww poor Joe. On a related note the Guns have appeared on Impact Twice tonight, this has got to be a new record or something. JB is IN THE BACK with Eric Young. He says he's behind Aj and Joe all the way. How nice. That Eric Young is such a blue chipper. No, I actually have no idea what a blue chipper actually is.
-Eric Young vs. James Storm: Yeah, James Storm. Robert Roode looks nice in his black button upped shirt, it's lovely. Robert Roode has pretty eyes. Damn him! Aww Eric Young didn't get bothered by his pyro. His therapy must be working, go Eric! Jackie looks professional tonight. Uh-oh Bobby Roode messes up and spits beer in Storms face. Winner: Eric Young. Post match Beer Money BEAT DOWN on poor EY, but wait! The MCMG's make the save. Wow The Guns appear Three times on Impact. BEST IMPACT EVER! I love you TNA! I smell a swerve. Hopefully TNA drags this out a bit and the Guns don't go full badass till a bit down the road. Ah who am I kidding, TNA will SWERVE us all next week.
We get a VIDEO PACKAGE on the knockouts. Lol package. TO THE Back Lauren notices Roxxi and Taylor-Taylor WALKING. I can't take this, this is awesome, I may pass out. They have weapons. So Roxxi new thing is swearing. We get a VIDEO PACAKGE on Suicide. Don West is professional in his blue shirt and Blue tie combo. Jb is in the back in Kong's locker room. Taylor- Taylor and Roxxi beat down Kong. -The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi & Volador : Man Hiroshi Tanahashi Theme music is catchy. It's like an old Sega Genesis video game music. Four times on Impact, NEW RECORD & BEST IMPACT EVER! I love you Motor City Machine Guns! In a purely sexual--erm platonic way. Sorry readers, I hate myself more that you can imagine right now. They're just good wrestlers, they're just good wrestlers. Bashir is doing commentary. Tanahashi's hair is fabulous, it's kinda mullety but yet it's not. Ahh cradle shock how I've missed thee. Winners: The Motor City Machine Guns. Yay! Post match Bashir is yelling at Tanahashi & Volador. He's also all kicky. The crowd cleverly chants "you suck" Rhino comes in and Gores him. TO THE BACK Lauren chats with Christian Cage. I wish I could chat with Christian Cage. Cage says he's so in on the Legends title match at Turning Pont.
-AJ Styles & Samoa Joe vs. Kevin Nash & Booker T. w/ Wife Sharmell: Actually no, Booker, I cannot dig it sucker. I like Sharmell's dress. If I ever meet Kevin Nash I'm so asking him what kind of conditioner he uses. Honestly, would you attend the Big Sexy world tour? I AM I AM! A fan in the audience has a very creative "Joe was robbed" sign. Commercial. Back from the break that same fan in the audience is still holding his "Joe was robed" sign. That's dedication. Nash yells at Earl Hebner, poor Earl, hasn't Earl been through enough. Pele, unbelievable! Winners; Joe and Aj. Post match all of their friends come down to congratulate them. 5th MCMG appearance. Lovely. Notice how Mr. Shelley was slow coming down the ramp. *DRAMATIC BUILDUP*
TO THE BACK Lauren is with BFF Matt Morgan & Abyss. I still think Lauren and Abyss would make a cute couple. Matt says Abyss isn't ready for this match! Matt is concerned about his friend. Abyss says he's going to beat up Kurt Angle and such.
We get a VIDEO PACAKGE on what happened last week.
JB is in the back with MEM Sting, who looks all slick in sunglasses and no face paint. I wonder if Sting wears his sunglasses at night. DON'T MESS AROUND WITH THE GUY IN SHADES, OH NO! Mick Foley comes out. He does some cheap plugs. He also announces some matches for Turning Point. Sting will defend his TNA World Title against AJ Styles, Kevin Nash will take on Samoa Joe and Booker T will defend his Legends Title vs. Christian Cage. Foley then calls out Sting. He said Sting broke his heart. Well Kevin Nash broke Alex Shelley's heart a while back and you don't see him crying about it. God I loved the PCS. Sting talks for awhile and such as well. JB in the back with Kurt. Kurt rudely pushes poor JB out of the way. Kurt is obsessed with JJ's ass? No wait, just getting JJ's ass in the ring. Don and Mike run down Turning Point. 6th MCMG appearance you count the fact that it's them vs. Beer Money at Turing Point. Sweet, I love Beer money and the Guns. Awesome. TNA is getting good again, I'm excited.
- Abyss vs. Kurt Angle: Okay how many times have Don and Mike called the Impact Zone the HD Impact Zone, we get it guys. Kurt tries to walk away but Abyss don't play that! Kurt tries to escape through the crowd. Okay that it! Next week , new count, # of times It's referred to as the HD Impact Zone! Shock treatment only a 2 count. Ankle lock. Abyss gets Kicky. Choke slam. Don insist that was 3. Kurt gets a chair. Winner via DQ Abyss. CREAMED!!!!!!!!! DON WEST SAID CREAMED BEST IMPACT EVER!!!!!!!!!! Everyone and their cousin runs in. Everyone and their cousin including: Morgan, Nash, Booker t, Stevie ray, AJ, Joe, Lethal, Tank Abbott, Petey, Creed, Billy Kidman, EY, Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, I think I saw my cousin Pj in their no wait that was my cousin Adrian, sorry. Yeah I was kidding on the Stevie Ray, Tank Abbott and Billy Kidman part. This is so counting as a beat down. 7th MCMG appearance. Okay what do they have on Foley and Jarrett? I kid, I kid. BUT WAIT! Un-oh Scotty Steiner comes down with a pipe. He takes everyone out, even little Petey Pump *tear* He stands with The MEM. N.W.O. flashback ahhhhhhhh....no wait New Blood/ Millionaires Club flashback ahhhhhhhh.....Impact comes to a close. Don West Creamed Count (The number of times Don West said the word creamed) : 1 , I love you Don West. # Of Video Packages: 5
# Of Times Someone Was Shown WALKING : 2
# Of "To The Back" Segments: 7 # Of Beatdowns That Took Place: 3 Quick & Dirty Results: -Christy Hemme & ODB d. The Beautiful People. -Eric Young d. James Storm -The Motor City Machine Guns d. Hiroshi Tanahashi & Volador Jr. -AJ Styles & Samoa Joe d. Kevin Nash & Booker T -Abyss d. Kurt Angle via DQ So there was this weeks installment of Impact. I hope you enjoyed my take on Impact. Feel free to comment on my article. We'll see you next week, till then, keep rocking!
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